“Mom, I can’t find my shoes!”
“Has anybody seen my Bible anywhere?”
“Why is Asher still in his pajamas? Does anyone even have his clothes picked out for the day?”
“We’re running behind, and if we don’t leave for church now, we’re going to be late!”
The scene was a typical Sunday morning at our house, and while it might sound like chaos, all the last minute scrambling around and hair slicking and shoe finding was nothing unusual. One by one, children raced out to the van, the girls trying to protect their air from the wind and the boys tugging at their collars and grimacing. Little ones were fastened into their car seats, diaper bags and water jars arranged on the floor, and the doors slammed shut on the twelve-passenger van. Dad started the van and began to drive forward.
“Wait!” came a sudden yell from the back. “We don’t have everyone!”
“What!” Dad put the van into park and looked back to make sure a trick wasn’t being played on him. No, the alarm was true. We shall not mention any names, but the boy missing had blond hair, blue eyes, was eleven years old, and had letters in his name that included A-I-D-E-N.
Everyone eased back in their seats, eyes on the clock, watching as first one minute, then another passed. Tension mounted. At last, the front door opened, and the boy came racing down the steps and down the sidewalk to the van. Everyone released a deep breath. Maybe there was a chance that we would make it to church without being too late.
The boy climbed into the van, took his seat, and we started off again. The biggest hurdle of getting everyone loaded into the van was accomplished; with everyone confined to their seats and safely secured by their seatbelts, we were on our way.
No one ever said that raising a big family was easy, and as the oldest child in the Mentink family, I’ve witnessed that first hand. I’ve been along for nearly the whole wild ride as our family has grown over the years, expanding from just me as an only child to eight children – and Mom and Dad, of course.
Mom and Dad didn’t exactly plan on having so many children at first. I can still remember wondering as a little girl if I was going to be an only child for the rest of my life – after all, I was a nearly three and getting be quite grown up before news came that another baby was on the way. I was delighted when Kailey was born and thought that having another sibling was the best thing in the world.
Two years later, a brother joined the family, Caleb, followed by Aiden just a couple years later. That was when we first started hearing the comments, “My, what a big family you have!”
A note of alarm entered the comments after Annika was born – “Oh my, you have a lot of kids! How do you keep track of them all?” – and that was even before Asher, Abigail, and Lillian were added on. Now the comments are more like – “Are they all yours?” and “What are you trying to do, rival the Duggars?”
Mom and Dad just smile and reply, “They’re all ours, and what a blessing and gift from God!”
Living in a big family definitely has its challenges. Just stop one of us and ask us how many kids are in our family. Chances are that there will be several wrong answers and self-corrections before the right number comes out. We plead that recently having another addition to the family throws us off – yes, that was about five months ago, but have some grace!
Oh, and don’t ask what grade any of the kids are in. They’ll scratch their heads and try to remember, and at last shrug and say, “I’m homeschooled.”
For another thing, a big family can never travel lightly. Sometimes the amount of stuff piled into the van as we prepare to go somewhere makes it look like we’re getting ready for a month long vacation, not just an evening outing. That’s why we love our big white van so dearly. By the time we pile all out things and ourselves in, we need all the space it can provide. A twelve passenger van might not be a typical sight in a store’s parking lot, but we’ve adjusted to the stares that settle on us as one kid after another comes tumbling out of the van and lines up to file into the store.
Another bad thing about big families is that we share everything, including sickness. While families of all sizes no doubt find this true, in a big family you have that many more people for the sickness to pass through before its run its course.
And need I mention that there is never a quiet moment in our house? There is always a project of some kind going on, usually at least two or three. Or more. And with all the bustle and activity of people working and of little ones playing and laughing and screaming, the noise level often climbs high on the scale.
And with so many members in our family, we have a terrible time getting everyone gathered together. By the time we’ve located Aiden in the pasture, Annika and Abigail in their gator, Asher feeding the calf, and Kailey and Caleb upstairs working on a video in their office, chances are that someone has gone missing. We face the one-person-missing problem many times a day, whether we’re sitting down to Bible reading or school work or dinner.
Speaking of dinner, there is no such thing as a small meal at our house. Ten people of various ages who have been working and playing hard all day eat a lot. Sometimes the table seems to groan under the weight of all that food.
And dare I mention vacations? With all the farm work and chores, we rarely go on vacation, maybe once in five years. But when we do, we do it with all our might. Everything is carefully planned out so that all children and parents will hopefully have enough clean clothes to get by, that we’ll all have food to eat, and that we don’t get lost and take a detour that would put us hours out of our way and prolong the little one’s screaming at wanting to get out and stretch their legs. We try, but without fail, there is always something we forget. At least we haven’t forgotten anybody yet. The best part of our vacations is coming home, where we can finally sleep in our own beds and put just a little more space between all of us. The one thing our last vacation taught us is that vacations are purely for testing character and enlivening the imagination, and that home is the place of rest.
But despite all that, big families do have their advantages. After all, if a threefold cord is not easily broken, what about a tenfold one?
It’s said that many hands make light work, and we have found that to be entirely true. Our family alone makes a full crew, and with all the farm work of moving animals daily, caring for chicks, milking the cow, feeding the pigs, and more, along with all the housework of cooking and cleaning, we need as many hands as we can get. It’s amazing how fast ten people can make a mess of the house, but it’s even more amazing watching everyone pitch in to get it straightened up within minutes. And when we’re in the middle of haying season, we have enough hands that someone can be running the tractor and square baler, someone can be driving the van and trailer, two people can be throwing hay bales onto the trailer, and someone else can be stacking bales on top of the trailer. And we still have enough people for someone to be home making supper for us all!
Work is always more fun when there are more people to help. Often as all of us are out working somewhere, say, in the potato patch, we’ll be making up nonsensical songs and stories, remembering odd things that happened when we were younger, or laughing at how Caleb uses his shovel as a pole to vault over the potato hills.
And there are enough of us to divide into two teams when we play games like dodge ball and capture the ball out in the yard. The younger kids are in just as much of a demand as the bigger ones because often they make the sneakiest moves or catch the other team off guard by their speed and smart maneuvers.
Having a big family might bring more work with it and fewer trips off the farm, but it certainly has its joys. No one ever complains of boredom around here (or at least they shouldn’t), and there is almost always a sibling available to scare up some fun with. We laugh twice as hard together, we get more work done, and we all consider each other close friends. From personal experience, I can say that if given the choice, I wouldn’t trade our big family for a small one any day. Small families just don’t know the excitement their missing out on.